DISMEMBER "Under Blood Red Skies"

DISMEMBER "Under Blood Red Skies" - (hooray! another double DVD from Dismember! along with Avulsed and Fleshcrawl, Dismember were one of the handful of acts that carried the torch of European death metal through the dark times when every band either broke up or changed their sound. disc one is their concert at the Party San Festival in 2008 and features newer classics like "Death Conquers All" and "Forged With Hate", as well as older classics like "Skinfather". they do not do anything from the "Hate Campaign" or "The God that Never Was" albums but they compensate by doing something that will really make you poo your pants. they end the set with the entire "Like and Ever Flowing Stream" album, in order from start to finish!!!! since that is the greatest album ever, to hear it from start to finish is beyond sick. disc two features the band drinking heavily and hanging out with Unleashed, Entombed, Grave, Arch Enemy and Napalm Death, as well as pulling pranks on a not too happy Der Apokalyptischen Reiter and getting cut off from a bar fro being too tipsy. they also hang out at the Phil Lynott statue and name off their influences, as if anyone would have trouble guessing that the mighty Autopsy is their biggest influence! they also do a few songs that were not in the set for the concert on the first disc - "Tragedy of the Faithful", "Trail of the Dead", "Pieces" and, hey what do you know - "Autopsy". Freakin' klassick!!!) Click to Buy From FYE!

DIE APOKALYPTISCHEN REITER "Licht"

DIE APOKALYPTISCHEN REITER "Licht" - (Die Apokalyptischen Reiter, try saying that 15 times really fast whilst drinking rum, have been around for a while but haven't seemed to broken it here in the States. not sure why, but could be in part that their name is longer than most people's home addresses. well their latest disc "Licht" finally got released here, with several bonus tracks culled from the "Der Weg" single and the "Adrenaline" live opus. I think "licht" means "light" in the Germany language in case you are into education. this band is still a diverse mix of melodic metal in the Swedish sense, industrial and goth, with catchy tunes with great hooky choruses, like a mix between In Flames, Paradise Lost and Stahlhammer. the whole disc is solid, but my favorite cuts are "Es Wird Schlimmer", "Auf Die Liebe", "Wir Sind Das Licht", "Wir Hoffen" and the single "Der Weg". what is also cool is that live versions of three of those tracks are part of the bonus tracks. the band photos are rather disturbing, but this overall some goodness..) Click to Buy From FYE!

TOP TEN SINGERS

TOP TEN SINGERS:



10. Dave Rotten (Avulsed)

9. Martin Van Drunen (Asphyx, Pestilence, Hail of Bullets, Bolt Thrower, Comecon)

8. Blaine Fart (The Accused, The Fartz)

7. Robert Lowe (Solitude Aeturnus, Candlemass, Last Chapter)

6. Messiah Marcolin (Candlemass, Memento Mori)

5. Cronos (Venom)

4. Eric Adams (Manowar)

3. King Diamond (Mercyful Fate, Black Rose)

2. Ronnie James Dio (Dio, Black Sabbath, Rainbow, Heaven & Hell, Elf)

1. David Byron (Uriah Heep)

TOP TEN DIRECTORS

TOP TEN DIRECTORS



10. Howard Hawks

9. John Ford

8. Sidney Lumet

7. Sam Peckinpah

6. Chang Cheh

5. Mel Brooks

4. Dario Argento

3. Sergio Martino

2. Mario Bava

1. George A Romero

TOP TEN DRUMMERS

TOP TEN DRUMMERS



10. Doctor Avalanche (The Sisters of Mercy)

9. Mike Portnoy (Dream Theater, Transatlantic)

8. Scott Travis (Judas Priest, Racer X)

7. Ian Paice (Deep Purple)

6. Bill Bruford (King Crimson)

5. Cozy Powell (Rainbow, Black Sabbath, ELP)

4. Neil Peart (Rush)

3. Gene Hoglan (Dark Angel, Death, Testament, Strapping Young Lad, Fear Factory)

2. King Fowley (Deceased)

1. John Longstreth (Origin, Gorguts, Skinless)

BLOOD OF THE VIRGINS (1967)

BLOOD OF THE VIRGINS ( * * ) - Mondo Macabro put out this disappointing vampire flick from circa 1967. Director Emilio Vieyra was basically Argentina's answer to Jess Franco and this movie plays out just like a Franco flick would, starting out and ending with a great, gory impalement scene but the in-between is tediously slow, occasionally sleazy, and mostly boring. the premise has a bunch of mods on vacation getting stranded near a seemingly abandoned villa, that turns out to house vampires. of course, we have never seen THAT before. again, the sleaze and gore was rather revolutionary for the time period, but the story is way too generic to overcome the sloth pace and does not create proper tension. those two gore scenes are worth a look, though… Click to Buy From FYE!

ARKAEA "Years in the Darkness"

ARKAEA "Years in the Darkness" - (so Fear Factory split up, again, only to reunite with Dino and obviously, without Christian or Raymond, so they formed this band and took songs that were meant to be Fear Factory songs with them and came up with this. actually, if they had Burton C. Bell on the mic, this would work, but no, they got the singer from Threat Signal. this leads to a big problem because NOBODY LIKES THREAT SIGNAL! I don't even think Threat Signal likes Threat Signal. The singer just doesn't not have the pipes to make it work, since he cries instead of singing. don't get me wrong, it's perfectly ok for a man to cry, on extremely rare situations like when you stub your toe or when your girlfriend sneaks lettuce into your burrito, but that is about it. and without Burton, this is just plain weak…)

FEAR FACTORY "Mechanize"

FEAR FACTORY "Mechanize" - (Fear Factory is back with Dino on guitar, Byron still on the bass, and Gene Hoglan now on the drum stool, and when you add Rhys Fulber of Front Line Assembly twiddling the production knobs, you get what is seriously, their best disc to date. it is like everything they have done before finally all clicks together with their 7th outing. it basically sounds like a mix of the heaviest stuff from "Obsolete", "Archetype" and "Demanufacture" with the angst of "Soul of a New Machine". the production is slick and sick, which was what was missing from "Transgression" and every song is tight, even the mellower track at the end. it is hard to pick favorite tracks as they did not put any filler on this slab, but the heaviest songs are the title track, "Industrial Discipline" and "Christploitation", the latter of which may be my new favorite Fear Factory track. even crazier is that you finally get to hear Dino play a guitar solo on "Fear Campaign". craziness! great to see that the Fear Factory is fully operational again, as I was expecting this to be good, but did not expect it to CRUSH! be sure and get the limited digipak edition, as it has an updated version of "Crash Test" as well as the previously unreleased 1991 demo!) Click to Buy From FYE!

TOP TEN GUITARISTS

TOP TEN GUITARISTS:


10. Bones (Discharge, Broken Bones)

9. Tony Iommi (Black Sabbath, Heaven & Hell, Jethro Tull, Iommi)

8. Victor Smolski (Rage)

7. Justin Broadrick (Godflesh, Head of David, Napalm Death, Techno Animal, Jesu)

6. Jim Plotkin (Old Lady Drivers, Flux)

5. Ross the Boss (Manowar, The Dictators)

4. Luc Lemay (Gorguts)

3. Michael Schenker (UFO, Scorpions, MSG)

2. Ritchie Blackmore (Deep Purple, Rainbow, Blackmore's Night)

1. Mick Box (Uriah Heep)

INFERIORTERRORGOBLIN "Regifting Malfunction"

INFERIORTERRORGOBLIN "Regifting Malfunction" - (good, and occasionally hilarious grind from the folk who brought you cult deathrashers Somethingdead…. The production is just dirty enough, and is perfectly suited for grind. musically, it is like a cross between sorely missed acts like Flesh Parade and Dismembered Fetus, complete with classic samples. hard to pick favorites when there are 22 songs in 22 minutes, but the most rocking tracks be "Gnostic Suppressant Applicator", "Inappropriately Touched by an Angel", "Backhand of Justice", "Too Many People Are Ugly", "Even the Guilty Drown", "Ancient Method of Atomic Level Destruction" and the track everyone can relate to, for it is ingenious - "IHeartCandlemass". my favorite hands down, though is "Victim of Intelligent Design", which is just sick. there is an instrumental track that reminds me of how much I HATE Kevin Spacey, even if he did two good movies - "Glengarry Glenn Ross" and "Superman Returns". inferiorterrorgoblin is fun stuff overall, so support the underground and check it out at www.myspace.com/inferiorterrorgoblin as it is some good wholesome sickness)

TOP TEN BASSISTS

TOP TEN BASSISTS



10. Cliff Burton (Metallica)

9. DD Verni (Overkill)

8. Leif Edling (Candlemass)

7. Geddy Lee (Rush)

6. Roger Glover (Deep Purple, Rainbow)

5. Geezer Butler (Black Sabbath, Heaven & Hell)

4. Steve Digiorgio (Sadus, Death, Control Denied, Autopsy, Testament)

3. Jack Bruce (Cream)

2. Joe DeMaio (Manowar)

1. Gary Thain (Uriah Heep)

TOP TEN HORROR MOVIES

TOP TEN HORROR MOVIES:



10. THE SHINING (1980)





9. PSYCHO (1960)





8. THE CABINET OF DR. CALIGARI (1919)




7. THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA (1925)




6. HALLOWEEN (1978)




5. DEAD OF NIGHT (1945)




4. THE EVIL DEAD (1982)




3. THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE (1974)




2. DAWN OF THE DEAD (1978)




1. NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968)

CHARRED WALLS OF THE DAMNED "Charred Walls of the Damned"

CHARRED WALLS OF THE DAMNED "Charred Walls of the Damned" - (Richard Christie's new band features Ripper Owens on the mic, Steve Digiorgio on bass and some dude on guitar. considering that this has alumni from Death, Control Denied and iced Earth, I figured this would be some uber-technical power metal, but it is surprisingly straight forward. yes, it is technical, but it is music and not mathematical formulas and sounds like a cross between Control Denied and Leash Law with a hint of early Fates Warning. the choruses border into the ballad territory and though are all the songs are really good, they seem a bit restrained and never quite as balls out as you would hope. also, a lot of the songs seem to blur together, but Ripper sounds amazing, giving what may be his best performance yet. the bestest and most solid tracks are the first and last tracks - "Ghost Town" and "Fear in the Sky", though "Manifestations" and "Voices Within the Walls" also kill. the bonus "making of" DVD features Richard Christie feeding a duck, some hilarious impersonations of the Caruso of our time - John Tardy, praise for Helen Hunt, drinking beer and eating breakfast at a flea market, an Amon Amarth sing-along and the cripple guitarist going to the bathroom. overall, pretty good stuff, but sure they can top it on their next record…) Click to Buy From FYE

TOP TEN COMEDIES

TOP TEN COMEDIES



10. BRINGING UP BABY

9. THE RETURN OF THE PINK PANTHER

8. THE GREAT DICTATOR

7. ANNIE HALL

6. KUNG FU HUSTLE

5. NETWORK

4. HEAD

3. THE PINK PANTHER STRIKES BACK

2. MONTY PYTHON'S AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

1. YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN

ALESTORM "Black Sails at Midnight"

ALESTORM "Black Sails at Midnight" - (Judas Priest this band rules!!!! this Scottish pirate metal band mixes polka, folk and bombastic power metal that is like if Korpiklaani and Rhapsody teamed up to cover Grave Digger and the original pirate metal gods, Running Wild. all the songs are about either drinkin;, plunderin', treasurin', whalin', killin' and wenchin'; universal themes that all of us can relate to. hard to pick favorites as every song rules, but stand-outs are the title track, "The Quest", "Leviathan", "that Famous Ol' Spiced", "Chronicles of Vengeance", "Wolves of the Sea" and "Keelhauled", the latter of which has one of the greatest choruses ever -



"Keelhaul that filthy landlubber

Send him down to the depths below

Make that bastard walk the plank

With a bottle of rum and a yo ho ho"



now that is some poetry, son. the bonus DVD contains their live show at Wacken in 2008 and features such classics as "Over the Seas" and "The Huntmaster", which is about the quest for ale. The singer sure plays a mean keytar as he shouts out hilarious in-between song banter, like, "We are Running Wild from Jamaica!" they close things out with "Wenches and Mead", what more do you need(?) and their epic "Captain Morgan's Revenge". Granted, "Captain Morgan's Revenge" is not as epic as Running Wild masterpieces like "Treasure Island" and "War & peace", which are so mammoth in scope that they should be turned into books or movies, but it is pretty darn epic. these guys kill, so get this…) Click to Buy from FYE!

THE INITIATION (1984)

THE INITIATION ( * * * ) - This may be the most under-rated slasher film ever made, which is unfortunate, as folks need to know. Anchor Bay put out this gem from 1984 that is just a cut above. and, as the "The Burning" introduced the world to the great actress Holly Hunter, this one introduced everyone to Princess Vespa herself, Daphne Zuniga, who should have gotten an Oscar for her performance here. actually, the acting all around is exceptional, and for once, you actually LIKE the characters, which makes it all the more brutal when they get brutally killed in ways of extreme brutality. the story is routine - troubled sorority pledge haunted by dreams, hell week, escaped madman, trapped in mall, etc. but the amount of effort put into the gore and a climax that is edge of your seat suspenseful, a as well as one of the greatest twists in the history of film, make this anything but conventional. seek this out, as you will not be disappointed, and that ending freaking rules!

THE DEVIL'S SWORD (1983)

THE DEVIL'S SWORD ( * * * ) - Quite possibly the greatest Indonesian movie ever made, Mondo Macabro has put out this sword and sandal flick from circa 1983 that has everything you can possibly want from a movie - kung fu, skeletons, monsters, magic, flying guillotines, lasers, snakes, crocodile people, bodily dismemberment, gore and sleaze. Barry Prima from the cannibal flick "Primitif" stars as a warrior who teams up with a princess to rescue her husband, who was kidnapped by the crocodile queen. but first, he must obtain the "devil's sword", forged from a meteor and possessor of great powers. cross between "Conan the Barbarian", "Thundarr the Barbarian" and "Clash of the Titans" is alternately hilarious AND brilliant, with great special effects and enough gore to keep the children in therapy. only problem is that the film could have been a half hour longer to make it more epic in scope. but other than that, it is pretty sick. Hail Indonesia! Click to Buy from FYE!

ELIS "Catharsis"

ELIS "Catharsis" - (we are all familiar with the hardship and tragedy Elis has endured over the past few years, so no need to go back into it. needless to say, what this band has suffered you would wish hundredfold on your worst enemy or possibly a casual enemy. but the band decided to carry on with a new singer despite the obstacles and here is a new cd/dvd thingee. I have to admit that I am a bit underwhelmed and in the camp that thinks they should have called it a day or, at least, changed their name, as the new singer gets under my skin. musically, it is not bad goth metal in the Epica, After Forever, Theater of Tragedy vein, with the death metal vox working well. it's just that sometimes Sandra either sounds too poppy or too shrill, making the hair stand up on the back of your neck, like someone blew a werewolf whistle. so, of the 13 tracks, there are only four that I could get into - "Des Lebens Traum - Des Traumes Leben", which was dedicated to the former singer, "Mother's Fire", which rocks, "Morning Star", which contains her best vocal performance and should be how she ALWAYS sings, and "I Come Undone", which should be a hit as it rules. the bonus DVD features a concert from 2007 and again, Sandra's voice just seems a bit off. but they do cover the Black Sabbath epic "Heaven and Hell" for an encore. again, four really good songs but I think that isn't hitting a good batting average…) Click to Buy from FYE!

JUDAS PRIEST "Collections"

JUDAS PRIEST "Collections" - (so what does the world really need right now? besides the obvious, like nekkid womyn's backgammon and, of course, more nuclear weapons? why, it is another best of compilation from Judas Priest! This Australian import is pretty cheap, for an import, and contains ten tracks. however, the track listing is a bit odd, as it contains three tracks from the glam album "Turbo"! though, I have to admit that "Out in the Cold" DOES rock. there is a live version of the classic "Diamonds and Rust", which may be the greatest cover song of all time, as well as a couple tracks from the comeback disc "Angel of Retribution". big surprise on here is the inclusion of "Rock Hard, Ride Free", which rules but often gets ignored. pretty good, though this is mainly for the "collectors". notice how I used the feminist spelling of "womyn"? that is because feminists rule cause you don't have to spend money on them, so they can afford to buy groceries and cleaning supplies without dipping into your beer fund. also, since you do not have to open up doors for them, they have great upper arm strength, which comes in handy when they are baking you cookies or lasagna or scrubbing your toilet. oh yeah, this disc also has the track "love bites", so buy it so that Australia's economy does not collapse…) Click to View Judas Priest Entire Discography

JUDAS PRIEST "Playlist: The Very Best of Judas Priest"

JUDAS PRIEST "Playlist: The Very Best of Judas Priest" - (if you can get past the silly "eco-friendly" packaging that does not contain any hard plastic jewel case cause it will save some tree from getting cut down that will likely burn up in a blazing fire anyways, like these guys are hell bent for agriculture, this is a pretty sick comp. sure there are probably a dozen best of comps for these blokes, but like bacon, the more the betterer. this features the usual anthems but also throws in a lot of speedsters like "Freewheel Burning", "Ram it Down", "Screaming for Vengeance", and "Painkiller", as well as heavies like "Judas Rising", "Delivering the Goods" and "Dissident Aggressor". what makes this comp extra sick, though, is the inclusion of a painfully ignored classic called "All Guns Blazing"! that song closes out the disc perfectly and will hopefully inspire the band to throw back into their set as it rules! definitely worth picking up, especially since it is cheap…) Click to Buy from FYE!

BARONESS "Red Album"

BARONESS "Red Album" (I don't know what I was smoking but I could swear that this band USED to play doom. I don't know what the heck this crap is supposed to be but it ain't no doom! this is like an annoying math rock band like Don Caballero trying to play covers of Crowbar and Killing Joke. it's not artistic, it is autistic. and the vocals are weaker than an amputee body builder. now, I think I know why they call themselves Baroness as they are marianismo to the max..)

BARONESS "Blue Record"

BARONESS "Blue Record" (this kind of reminds me of when that 80s metal band called Metallica put out this disc called "Load" that WAS a load, and then followed it up with "Re-Load" and it was like yeah, it is probably a worse record than "Load" but you were not as angry this time because you expected it to totally suck. so, in case you don't see where this is going, "Red Album" is like "Load" and "blue Record" is like "Re-Load". they should have called this "Blew Record", cause it blows, but it may be a little bit easier on the ear than "Red Album", as it is more poppy. hopefully, Rwake and Black Cobra don't get pressured to go all weak like these finks…)

JOB FOR A COWBOY "Ruination"

JOB FOR A COWBOY "Ruination" - (the short review - "Ruination" is more brutal than "Genesis" but not as brutal as "Doom". the long review - Job For a Cowboy sprang up out of nowhere with this brutal EP called "Doom", which led to a deal with Metal blade. the debut "Genesis", although good, was polished and lacked the thing that made the EP so brutal - pig squeals. those were removed as they were seen as being immature, which in it's self is immature. now the new one has a bit more variety with the growling, screaming and shouting, but still no pig squeals. as for the album, the lyrics are about war, but are difficult to read, so they must not be that important. the production is heavier than on "Genesis" and the overall record is much angrier. standouts are "Regurgitated Disinformation", "Butchering the Enlightened" and "Lords of Chaos". but the bestest tracks are "Constitutional Masterbation" and "Psychological Immorality". all the tracks are pretty solid, but could have benefited fro pig squeals. now I watch a lot of cartoons and seen many puppet shows, so I know EXACTLY what the kids these days are into. they are into nunchucks, backgammon and pig squeals! so I should hope that they will bring them back for their third album, after all, pig squealing is part of any TRUE cowboy's job description…) Click to Buy from FYE!